Tricks of Love
by Piggylette
Summary: **CHAPTER 2 UPDATED AND CHAPTER 3 UP!!!** A humourous take on Hermione Granger's lovelife. One morning, she seems to be irresistible to every male student at Hogwarts. My first story. Please R/R!
1. Prologue

_Tricks of Love_

By Piggylette

_ÒOh Harry!Ó_ She moaned between his thrusts. Her luscious curls fell to her chest and he kissed her neck passionately. Suddenly feeling near climaxing, he shifted his weight and screamed out her name.

_ÒHERMIONE!!!Ó_

~*~

Sixteen-year-old Harry Potter woke with a start. Had he just been dreaming about Hermione?? And why would he dream in that much detail?? HeÕd never really had a crush on Hermione, especially not like that, but it had seemed so realÉ. Or had he?? Confusion and denial drowned his brain as he decided to go back to sleep and hope to forget it by morning.

Unknown to Harry, his best friend Ron Weasley was contemplating the exact same dream that he had had, only with his own body in place of HarryÕs.

And so was Draco Malfoy.

And so was the rest of HogwartÕs male population.


	2. Morning

Tricks of Love, Ch. 2  
  
By Piggylette  
  
Hermione woke the next morning with a hellacious headache. She couldn't remember the events of the night before. She assumed that she'd eaten dinner, hung out in the common room, and then gone to bed, but she could hardly remember it. {I guess I'll retrace my thoughts. Hmm, after Transfiguration I remember going to the common room and then going down to breakfast with Harry and Ron. Wait - no, we were late because Harry accidentally broke Ron's Chess set and they had had to convince the pieces to let them fix them. Um, after dinner we - oh wait! We missed the beginning of the meal so the food was already set out, and I must have drunk too much pumpkin juice because I wasn't feeling well and had to excuse myself to go lie down. And then.. well. I guess that's it.} After toying with the idea of someone putting a spell in her food or on her to make her sick or forgetful, Hermione concluded that she must have eaten too much or gotten mild food poisoning from the casserole. That would also explain the headache - sort of a 'sick' headache or a 'too much sleep' headache. Determined that nothing serious had happened, she shrugged it off and went down to the common room to meet Harry and Ron.  
  
Hermione slid between Harry and Ron on the couch.  
  
"Hey guys! What's up?"  
  
"Um, h-hey Hermione. Er, nothing's up. Nope. Just, uh, waiting for you."  
  
"Yeah. Just like, uh, Harry said. Talking. Waiting. Mmm-hmm."  
  
Hermione regarded them skeptically. "Are you sure?? Nothing's wrong?? You two are acting quite strangely."  
  
"No!" Harry jumped up from the couch quickly and oddly. "Nothing's wrong."  
  
"Yeah. Right. I'll believe that when I fail my ABCs. Anything you want to talk about?"  
  
This time it was Ron who closed the conversation. "There's nothing to talk about. Let's go to breakfast."  
  
Somehow, Hermione managed not to notice all the stares and googly-eyes she received on the way to the Great Hall.  
  
~~*~~ A/N - This is my first fic to post on FFN. I've been experimenting with formatting, and had to update this chapter because the paragraph breaks weren't coming our right. I also apologize for all the Ó, Ò, É, Õ, and other symbols in my first chapter. I uploaded it in HTML format, and it turned all the quotes and hyphens into those characters. I didn't want to change it to Word format because it wouldn't do bold or italic. Please email me or review if you know how to make it stay bold or italic or how to avoid the funky quotes in HTML. Thanks for your input and I hope you're enjoying my story.  
  
Third chapter on its way. I'm sorry the chapters are so short, but I was so anxious to post them. The third one's longer, which is why it's taking a bit longer to post. No, I haven't finished the story yet. This was a spur- of-the-moment thing, I'm not that organized. Yes, I'm posting each chapter right after I finish it, which means that they might not be updated as frequently as other stories, but it also means that your input and review could affect the story, so PLEASE review if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions. Flame me and I'll just smoke it, so don't bother, but constructive criticism is welcome.  
  
Thanks for reading! Review! Come back! Read next chapters in near future! Have a nice life! ~Evey 


	3. Stares

Tricks of Love, Ch. 3  
  
By Piggylette  
  
During Breakfast, Hermione finally had to give up on attempting to converse with her two best friends. The truth was, of course, that they were too embarrassed and confused by her dreams that they couldn't look her in the eyes anymore. The funny part was that they were both acting strangely but had no idea it was for the same reason. Who would ever think their friend to have the same dream as them, especially concerning imagined sexual encounters with their best friend?? So, since they were totally oblivious to anything but their own mangled thoughts - they couldn't even maintain a steady Quidditch conversation - Hermione was ignored and left to scan the Hall hopelessly in search of someone to talk to or something interesting to take her mind off of her friends' bizarre behavior this morning.  
  
She briefly met the eyes of Seamus Finnigan, who shiftily pretended to not have noticed her. Still glancing around, she noticed Neville picking at his food, Lee Jordan winking at her, Dean - wait - Lee Jordan WINKING???? What was up with that?? {This is truly bizarre} she thought. After getting a few more disturbing stares, Hermione wondered if someone had charmed her pumpkin juice to turn her hair green or something, so she transfigured her spoon into a hand mirror. {Nope. No third eye, rainbow Mohawk or unibrow this time. Drat. I guess I can't blame Fred and George. I wonder what's up with my peers??} Sadly, the many eyes glancing at her weren't supplying her with an answer to her questions.  
  
Finally, the post arrived, taking her mind off of the strange behaviors of her classmates. Right on time, a ministry owl dropped her a copy of the Daily Prophet. {Yes! News!} However, just as Hermione was starting to read an article about Voldemort's rise in power, a falling letter interrupted her thoughts. Sighing, she opened the letter. "Harry! Ron! You have GOT to hear this!" she exclaimed. Looking around, however, she noticed she was getting even more stares, because Harry and Ron had already gone back to the common room. "Um, right. Sorry." Her cheeks flushed as she returned her attention to the letter.  
  
The letter read:  
  
" Hermione, I don't know how to say this other than I seem to be faling for you. You are the currant object of my afecshun. I hope thet tha feeling is mutuel. Please meet me near the lake tonite at 8. I'll be witing.  
  
Signed, Your Soulmate "  
  
Hermione barely caught herself from laughing out loud. Who would send her a letter like that? This had to be a joke.  
  
Suddenly, another letter was dropped at her plate. Followed by another. And another. Soon more stares were coming her way as her place was filled with letters.  
  
But there was one stare that caught and held her attention: the cold, icy stare of her nemesis.  
  
This nemesis, who's slick blond hair and characteristic smirk often made her wish to introduce him to her middle finger, was none other than Draco Malfoy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N - Thanks for reading! I feel so special!! How's this for review- bribery: You review, I reply. You get actual publicity in my author's notes!! Makes ya feel so special, don't it?  
  
Here we go:  
  
Tangarang - Thank you. I take great pride in being a 'weirdo.' Your review actually advocates strange stories, as you say it's the strangest you've ever read and then beg me to write more. Lol. Yes, strange is one of my aims, as I myself am not even human and can't be expected to think with the crowd.  
  
Agent AAA - What do you mean you don't see how it was rated R??? Are you THAT innocent??? By the way, never say "so I'd better get off." My mind is SO not innocent, and I'll poison your thinking for ever.  
  
Fiery Slut - Glad you like it. I'm trying to make my chapters longer. I don't want to make my "sex scenes really GRAPHIC," as you so tastefully put it, because that could get me kicked off of FFN. I also want to have a plot, and not just smut, because I'd have to hate myself if I did something so out of character. I will probably still have some erotic scenes, but they'll be tasteful (hopefully. My mind is tainted, after all).  
  
Sara F-J - Thanks! Keep reading and review some more!  
  
Professora Dumbledora - Oops, sorry! The chapters are getting longer. But you can still read them in under 2 minutes! Lol  
  
Starlance - Have I affected you too?? What happened to the innocent, harp- playing, bookworm I used to know?? Wait.what was in those books?? J/k lol Glad you like it!  
  
Vicsend - Glad you like it! Yes, I'm trying to make it funny. I just had a sudden thought the other day to write this, and I did! Your wish is granted, as new chapters (especially this one) are coming! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Aras - Yes!!! Evilness!!! Hehe first you update while I'm reading your story, then you read mine in the same day? This is so incredibly wonderful!! Lol! This chapter should hopefully answer your question. And sorry but NO I refuse to write Hogwarts lesbianism. I'll read it occasionally, but I don't support it, so sorry. She's straight as an arrow.  
Hope y'all are happy! Now be good little pawns - oops! I mean readers - and push "Go" right next to "Submit Review"!  
  
Love you too! ;-) --eM 


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